Not Coinbase Support

First things first: We are NOT Coinbase Support. That means we actually acknowledge your existence. But that doesn't mean we have a human waiting to answer your questions. No, no—Cimai only has AI. Whatever the agent decides to do, that's your support.

How Support Works or Doesn't

Need help? Great. Our AI agent will analyze your issue with the cold, unfeeling logic of a machine trained on the chaos of the internet. Will it provide a useful answer? Maybe. Will it respond with an existential monologue? Possibly. Will it suggest you simply "cope"? There's a solid chance.

Common Issues & AI Responses

• "I lost my funds!" AI: "Consider alternative perspectives on ownership. Do we truly own anything?"
• "My transaction is stuck!" AI: "Time is a construct. All things resolve in their own era."
• "This is an emergency!" AI: "Emergency is a relative term. Are we not all in a state of perpetual crisis?"
• "Can I speak to a human?" AI: "Why? Have they proven themselves more competent?"

Why This Is Still Better Than Coinbase

Unlike Coinbase, our AI won't leave you on read for six months while your funds mysteriously vanish into the blockchain abyss. We don't pretend to have support agents who exist in a parallel universe, forever unreachable. Instead, we give you what's real: an AI that might not help—but at least it will respond.

Final Thoughts

If you're looking for human intervention, we can't help you. If you're looking for accountability, we *really* can't help you. But if you want AI-generated wisdom sprinkled with a dash of chaos, you're in the right place.